Stood Up

So I have never been popular. But, I mean except for grade 2 & 3 (cause I was a 'new kid') I've never been unpopular either. I was always that sort of person that everyone can be friends with. Which is why I am both popular and unpopular. Easy to get along with, fun, whatever, but I'm not picky, gossipy or stuck up at all, which it's really hard to get a girl's attention unless you have interesting information about someone else. It's true. When I have a party or something, generally anyone I invite shows up, that kind of thing. But not recently. I've come to a very sad realization that I have no friends. Well, that's not true I have friends, but not like I did. I have Sam...& Danika. These are the only 2 people that live in Dawson Creek that I hang out with. That's it. Just those three. There used to be far more than that.

Guess I should point out where this is coming from. So today I had planned a Halloween shindig. You know who showed up? Sam and Brad. That's it. Even my own boyfriend didn't want to hang out with me. I spent the whole day cleaning my house and baking cupcakes for the people I invited and 2 out of 12 people showed up, and it hurts. It really does. Even Kyle, Chris and Tera who LIVE here, hid in the bedroom. WTF? I'm actually kind of mad a little bit. Danika didn't even drop by. Gah... just really hurt. Which is stupid I know, I'm just not used to being stood up. They had 2 weeks notice...

Anyways, so I don't fucking get it. My biggest problem I would have to say, is I can't find any girlfriends. Boys, Fuck boys everywhere! Seems like every guy and their dog wants to hump my leg if I wanna, but that's all I get. Male attention. I HAVE A FUCKING BOYFRIEND, I DON'T NEED ANOTHER ONE. I would love to have friends that are guys if I could still do that, but I'm at a place in my life where I can't have that... maybe in school. :(

Half the reason I want to go to school so bad is the prospect of friends. Why is this so hard! I'm not mean, I'm not ugly, I'm sorta funny? and kind of interesting? I'm always up for whatever...

I just want to have friends again. Jade, Ryan, Tylar, Mitch, Quin, Steven, Sianna, Brendan, Jaynell Joel... anyone and everyone I used to be able to hang out has moved away, or in Jade's case, stole my stuff. Everyone who is still here I never hung out much with in the first place, or they have their own life.

Danika and Sam. The only really friends I have. How sad. Still good people and all, but Sam has Brad, and Danika has a selection of friends I only wish I had.